To my Matriarch - Mi Gram Grams
Earlier today I had dinner with all the Tia’s.. it was nice.
My grandmother lived with one of my Tia’s (my aunt) and where she lives she had a wheelchair ramp installed, so both my grandmother and I can use giving us access to enter her home more conveniently since there are steps.
Every time we would go over and by “we” I am talking about my mother and I. When we would go over for dinner and a movie night together having us four (my mother, my aunt, my grandmother, and myself) - and occasionally of course other family would join as well. My initial default reaction is driving up the ramp, entering their home door, seeing my grandmother sitting in her recliner to my right and I would say with such excitement and elevated energy, “HI, GRAM GRAMS!” With a big smile. Sometimes, I would even enter the room saying something comical to hear her laugh… I loved her laugh.
Today, I had a personal moment in knowing there are going to be many life experiences and life adjustments having her not be physically present for the first time.
Having dinner together without her physical presence for the first time…
Going out to dinner without her physical presence for the first time…
Having movie nights without her physical presence for the first time…
There are going to be many first time experiences where she will be the one missing.
I told myself “keep it together” while taking a silent deep breath, while thinking about “this is one of those first time” moments, and many more of those moments to come.
I personally am not one to show his emotions. I prefer to be stoic when I can, especially in an environment where once one breaks letting there emotions out, so do the emotions amongst those around you. It becomes infectious.
There are times when you don’t have to be strong all the time and you do allow yourself to become vulnerable. Last night was one of those times for me. I didn’t fight my emotions too much trying to hold it all together. Once I seen my grandmother, my Tia’s, and my mother, along with family being there.. emotions flowed like a river. Emotions where my facial cheeks began to quiver.
I do also believe there are times you must fight keeping and holding yourself together remaining strong… even if that may be you becoming stronger than before, especially as a man. When the woman around you are just as vulnerable you have to be strong for their sake. Don’t tell them comforting words only, but show them “everything will be okay.” Your behavior, choice of words, composure, and stoicness becomes comforting for them. They need it more than you do. By you appearing as the strong one holding yourself together you radiate the comforting energy bringing emotional thought of solace… even if it is delivered subconsciously to them.
When I have some time alone I know I will have my moment emotionally, especially during the services.
I personally am thankful to have the comforting relationship I have with the divine for it surely is bringing me comfort. And I am thankful professionally where my mind is also occupied and distracted where I can get some things done.
From me to you: I want you to take away any form of personal value you can gain from my words. But I also want you to know that in times where you’re grieving, hurting, seeking peace. Build your relationship with God or whoever your higher power may be. Strengthen your spirituality with God or any higher power that delivers you love… for love brings genuine healing, comfort, peace. And also find something to do where your mind is occupied and distracted, so you don’t drown in your own sorrow. Do something that will help you work to having a better tomorrow. Working out today, makes you feel good about yourself tomorrow. Being and going outdoors, gets you outside of your four walls having you feel slightly better tomorrow. Working on your dream or education, will have you feeling accomplished in knowing you got something done or learned something new (that will bring you closer to a better tomorrow). Allow yourself to sit in sorrow… I encourage it, but do not allow yourself to stay there. By you taking the time and doing what helps you heal within… you actually are helping those in heaven and has passed the opportunity to see what they love, which is seeing you happy and allowing yourself to love and be loved.
For those who have checked in on me it genuinely meant and means so much to me! I love you guys!
I am okay. My grandmother’s health wasn’t doing too good and as much as it hurts, and I mean deeply hurts to know she isn’t physically here anymore.. I find solace in knowing she went home when she was ready.
To my Matriarch: You have endured through a lot, and you have persevered through many most would have given up on, but you chose to remain strong in your faith through it all. Because of your faith, and because of your strength, I am honored to call you my grandmother.
I love you, Mi Gram Grams - we love you.
~Victor
(your special baby)
A song that’s been hitting home: https://youtu.be/dts_64vLbs4?si=0iC_-hCZoLdBE2Aj
Living with Muscular Dystrophy: My Biggest Weakness & Strength | SMA: https://youtu.be/Tb74tDvhmCI?si=aLJ1oWc36o8201Qi
Learn About SMA:
https://youtube.com/@thesmavictor?si=i5wYUvubEebkSvmE
Elevate Your Mindset - My YouTube Channel:
https://youtube.com/@victortheinspiration
My Merch:
https://victortheinspiration.com/collections/frontpage
WELLNESS DISCLAIMER:
Victortheinspiration's content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your current condition. Never disregard professional advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard in a video of Victortheinspiration, on social media, or shared within content you have consumed.