Anything For You

I had taken a break on social media for a few personal reasons. One primary reason is because since my grandmothers passing I wanted her uploads I posted to all be together for when I reflect on this moment in time later within the future.

Since her passing a lot too has been going on as you can imagine. I was honored and thankful that when she passed I had the responsibility of handing her hospice paperwork to the funeral home when they had arrived.

For the time to come after her passing I really hadn’t had much of a moment to really let my emotions out because my mind has been so occupied and distracted with helping with getting things ready for her services. Because I was part of handling certain things I had the privilege of getting to know the process of what goes on and what it takes to having a funeral.

I had taken time off of social media to put more of my family first. I didn’t post on social media and as a result I didn’t have to engage with any engagement that would have came from posting content.

I had helped quite a bit behind the scenes with helping with getting pictures, backgrounds, and music for the montage. I helped with setting up the obituary and was even part of a few things for my mother such as helping her with a eulogy. There was a lot I had helped with behind the scenes that I am beyond thankful to be a part of. As you can imagine setting up services for a funeral takes a lot of time, work, and immense effort to make it as beautiful and memorable as possible. Anything my mother or my Tia’s (my aunts) needed it was taken care of.

Because I had helped quite a bit with the services, I too had certain commitments professionally that too requires my time and efforts. On top of helping with my grandmothers funeral services I too had to take care of other personal and professional commitments that requires me to show up regardless of how I feel. My personal brands I needed to remain consistent with my content scheduling and handle certain things with my team that I had built over the years. Along with other projects I too do behind the scenes. If I were to stop putting a halt on my projects I lose momentum, opportunity, and drive of ambition. Was it easy? Far from it. However, just because something gets hard to handle doesn’t mean you quit. You figure things out and you find a way to keep moving forward. You quit once or you run when things become difficult it becomes a habit… a negative habit that results in negative consequences.

As a result of me pushing myself a little too much I lost a lot of sleep, which resulted in me getting sick with my respiratory. I was so bad I felt like I was going to collapse and was on the edge of potentially needing hospital care. If I was going to go to the hospital it was going to be because I had collapsed. This is a horrible mentality… I know, but there was so much that I needed to do I literally somehow convinced myself to push through it. Despite how I was feeling I still would ask “is there anything I can do?” And I would power through getting it done. And because I pushed myself and pushed myself more and more. I got sick for several days to the point I couldn’t shake it feeling better. Nothing seemed to work nor help. Treatments, antibiotics, steroids… nothing that is my normalcy for these situations was strong or effective enough to help me feel or get better. It so happened that both of my doctors (my primary and my pulmonologist) were out of office that week. I was fortunate enough to reach out to my doctor having a nurse able to give me a steroid shot on my hip to help with my respiratory. It helped a lot, and I was so thankful.

As a result of me pushing myself too much and getting sick. It began taking its toll on my SMA as you can imagine as well. Right now, at the time of me writing and publishing this I am struggling quite a bit to say the least with my physical strength. My phone… heavy. Typing on the computer… challenging. Feeding myself… difficult. Chewing… tiring. Just to say a few. I have been feeling so fatigued my mom had to feed me twice and my twin little sister had to feed me once all within this past week. Stuff like this I don’t personally like to talk about much because I personally don’t really know what to say or know how to respond much with an answer to whatever feedback someone gives. I personally am not one to talk about his struggles or let alone his feelings. Everybody has struggles… to some extent. I recently had a conversation with my mom telling her how I feel, and I told her there are a variety of different things I have to factor into the equation. With everything I recently have been doing with the services, on top of still taking care of things professionally, and me getting sick definitely plays a significant factor. But I too have to always factor in that maybe my SMA is progressing. The way I feel right now physically I haven’t felt like this since high school and I graduated seven years ago. My disability is progressive and the way I feel currently I had expected to feel within the next five years. Is this my new normal? Is a big question I have been battling back and forth with. I won’t lean too much on my SMA is progressing just yet. It is too early to really lean towards that thought right now.

Back to talking about the services is I was very well aware I was pushing myself a little too much. I knew that before I even did it. I did it because I wanted my mother along with my Tia’s (my aunts) to have a beautiful last memory being with their mother for the last time. I knew what I could do and I wanted to make it as beautiful of an experience as possible for them. “The one thing you can create, but never recreate is a memory. So, make it a great one.”

Me and my grandmother were very close. She was a second mother to me. When she passed, I cried having my cheeks quivered. Facial muscles moved in a way I had never personally experienced before. During the process of getting her funeral services ready I didn’t have much of a moment to really let my emotions pour because my mind was so busy and occupied, I didn’t have time to be in my emotions. For her viewing and burial, I shed a few tears, but to my surprise I was able to hold myself together. It was later during her celebration of life it had hit me uncontrollably. I found my way into the kitchen where nobody was and hid away from everyone during the viewing of her montage being played. A flood of emotions came, and it couldn’t be stopped no matter how hard I tried. It took me roughly five minutes before I texted my twin little sister to meet me in the kitchen because I needed help cleaning my nose… I couldn’t do it because I was feeling too fatigued. For roughly twenty minutes I couldn’t get ahold of my emotions. I couldn’t lock it in. I have to admit… it did feel good to finally let it out… my soul became cleansed.

Losing my grandmother has enlightened me a lot on how some will end up in a depressive state spiraling down. I genuinely understand why and how some do and I empathize with them. I personally would have became immensely depressed if it wasn’t for me having my personal brands along with my other projects I have going on for me. If it wasn’t for my current projects I would have fell into a dark place. Because I have my current projects I have a sense of optimism that “tomorrow” will be better. Better days lie ahead kind of mentality. The idea thought of me one day writing a book talking about my story is one thing of many I genuinely look forward to. It is something of many I look forward to. Why? Because one day I will tell my story (I can only hope for it) and by me telling my story I will have the opportunity to share where I came from, which will result in sharing my grandmother’s legacy. Keeping her legacy alive is beautiful to me. Doing something positive with my life… moving forward… is a thought I would love to have where she can look down upon me and say “that is my grandson!” Making her proud. I want my grandmother’s sacrifices and my mother’s perseverance to result in something meaningful.

So, from me to you: If you have the opportunity to make your ancestors sacrifices and your mother’s perseverance through all of the good, the bad, and the ugly become worth something. Do it. Create positive meaning within your life. Bear through what you must because you never know what your future may have in store for you.

And for those of you who have lost a loved one. Please find something to do that keeps you looking forward to seeing what today has in store for you. If you can’t find something to look forward to then create something worth waking up to. Smile at a stranger. Engage in a simple conversation with someone. Laugh while reminiscing from a memory. Love who you are because once you can begin loving yourself you create the opportunity of sharing that love with others, and love is the answer.

Enjoy a montage I personally had created of just my grandmother and I:

https://youtu.be/k29X8TRVvks

What I learned when a person passes away:

• If they pass at their residence a funeral home will come
• Then:
• You setup appointment with funeral home to go over planning of services…
• Do you have burial plot or cremation pre planned?
• Do you have a casket picked out?
• Would you like to have a viewing?
• Where would you like the burial?
• How many escorts for loved ones during burial?
• Sand or no sand during burial?
• Would you like release of doves during burial?
• Where will celebration of life be held?
• How many paul bearer’s do you have?
• How would you like flowers?
• How would you like them dressed?
• Once you go over everything and any questions you have, then everything discussed has to coordinate with your choice of church availability as well…
• Next:
• You create a montage
• Photo collage
• Get a DJ for background music during celebration of life
• Setup online obituary
• Create a eulogy
• Get custom cards/bookmarks for loved ones
• Pass out rosaries during viewing
• Go about planning of entire process from viewing, burial, celebration of life - along with deciding on the food and decorations displayed for the day of.

“During times of grief remain patient and kind with those closest to you. They too are hurting. They too are trying to hold themselves together. They too need to feel and be loved. Become the strong one if needed for you never know just how much you are keeping everyone together. And most importantly… lead with love for love wins.” ~Victortheinspiration

Much love,

~Victor

*I had wrote this late last night around 3-4:00 in the morning. I wanted to review it later today before publishing correcting any and all errors. I also wanted to share with you that today I did wake up feeling slightly better with my physical strength. From the looks of it... I just needed to catch up with my rest.

Living with Muscular Dystrophy: My Biggest Weakness & Strength | SMA:

https://youtu.be/Tb74tDvhmCI?si=aLJ1oWc36o8201Qi

Learn About SMA:

https://youtube.com/@thesmavictor

Breakthrough Mental Barriers:

https://youtube.com/@victortheinspiration

WELLNESS DISCLAIMER:

Victortheinspiration's content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your current condition. Never disregard professional advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard in a video of Victortheinspiration, on social media, or shared within content you have consumed.